


it's in the wanting

by sahraylia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ableist Language, American Sign Language, Anxiety, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Tension, Bad Flirting, Castiel Does Not Understand Jokes (Supernatural), Coming Out, Crack, Deaf Character, Dean Winchester Has ADHD, Dean Winchester Tells Bad Jokes, Derogatory Language, Dirty Jokes, Embarrassment, Emotionally Repressed Dean Winchester, F/M, Fluff, Gardener Castiel (Supernatural), Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Innuendo, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, Let Jack Kline Say Fuck, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Multi, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Panic Attacks, Repressed Bisexual Dean Winchester, Sexual Humor, dean and cas are horrible horny gremlins who are cosmically in love with each other, you know all the extremely fun isms that dean winchester is prone to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:59:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29977035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sahraylia/pseuds/sahraylia
Summary: Dean's vision is swimming and his mind is roaring with TV static again, and when he blinks and looks down, he realizes he's clutching the front of Cas' robe like an insane person. "Um," he says intelligently, his face hot with horrified embarrassment. He fixes his gaze on Cas' clavicle, because THAT'S a lot safer than looking at his face right now, sure, okay. In a much softer voice meant for only Cas to hear, he murmurs, his breath puffing against the hollow of Cas' throat and raising goosebumps across the skin there. "You can fuck me, if you want. You know that, right?"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 104





	it's in the wanting

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this short fic inspired by brilliant concepts from @donnasweett and @icefire149 on tumblr. i hope you enjoy my humble offering.

They're having a quiet, normal family breakfast in the bunker on a quiet, normal morning, when Cas takes a sip of his orange juice and says, his voice gravelly with sleep, "I am gay. Dean, can you please pass me the scrambled eggs?" 

Dean's vision blurs. His ears are ringing. His tongue feels suddenly swollen, too thick, pressed into the roof of his mouth. He swallows, stutters, "You-you're-- _ what _ ?" And then he promptly drops the serving bowl of scrambled eggs he was holding, shattering glass and bits of egg everywhere on the floor. 

Five days later, they're having another quiet, normal family breakfast in the bunker on a quiet, normal morning. Normal, except not normal at all, because, well: Cas is gay . He's... He's  _ been _ gay, for who knows how long. And now  _ Dean _ knows Cas is gay. And Dean screwed up big time with Cas earlier this morning. 

They were both in the kitchen around 5am, Cas because he probably didn’t need to sleep what with being an angel and all, and Dean because insomnia was a fucking bitch. Cas had been watering his plants while Dean put on a pot of coffee to brew, and Cas had looked--well. He looked  _ good _ . His hair was all sleep-mussed, and he had darkening five-o-clock shadow that was simultaneously handsome and endearing, and the fuzzy fleece robe he always liked wearing in the mornings matched the crystalline blue of his eyes, the corners of which were crinkled by the warmth of his soft smile as he carefully tended to his plants, and Dean felt. He watched as Cas planted a new tomato start and he felt... he  _ wanted _ \- 

"Hey, you could, uh. Plant your own s-seed." Dean blurted haltingly, an awkward attempt at lasciviousness. His stomach swooped like he'd just launched into a freefall. He chuckled belatedly, picking at a loose thread in his pajama pants. His heart jackhammered thunderously against his ribs.  _ What the  _ **_fuck_ ** _? _

Cas stilled and turned around slowly, tilting his head and leveling a confused stare at Dean. Panic bloomed white-hot in Dean's chest, his cheeks and ears burning. "In, uh." He swallowed. His throat was desert dry. "In my garden?" he finished lamely. His voice had cracked and fallen into something rough and raw. 

Cas made a pleased humming noise, his eyes brightening with hopeful understanding. "Do you wish to share a garden with me, Dean?" he rumbled. 

Dean's mind filled with TV static. He stammered, "Um, coffee," and he grabbed Cas' favorite mug from the counter, the one from the San Diego Zoo gift shop with the otters holding hands or whatever, and he brought the mug and the coffee pot over to Cas. He shoved the mug into Cas' hands, cleared his throat, and said, "Just, uh. Let me know when." And he poured the coffee into Cas' mug, and he watched the coffee, and he did  _ not _ look at Cas, and Cas dutifully said "when" with an inch of room left at the top of his mug, and Dean stopped pouring. His eyes caught Cas', and Cas was staring at him so  _ intently _ . And Dean was. He was- 

Dean set down the coffee pot and high-tailed it the fuck out of there so he could lock himself in his room and spiral for the next several hours. 

Cas was always so goddamn  _ sincere _ . And Dean had fucked up, awkwardly flirting with him as a stupid fucking joke like an idiot. That was homophobic, right? Sam would say it's homophobic. Because using dumb sexual innuendo to jokingly flirt with your gay best friend a few days after he came out for maybe the first time ever was definitely homophobic. And probably leading Cas on. Fuck. Was he leading Cas on? 

So they're having breakfast together again, five days after Cas announced his gayness, five hours after Dean made a total jackass of himself joking about what Cas could do with his fucking  _ angel jizz TO HIM  _ while he was watering his fucking  _ plants _ , oh my god. And he just. Dean feels like he's a fucking tripped land mine constantly primed to fucking EXPLODE because… Cas is gay! He's--fucking... he's gay!! Which means he… he's into dudes, obviously. So... he likes men. And that means he wants to... to fuck guys. So, that’s... that's great! It's really great that Cas is gay, because… Cas _can_ be gay with Dean, he  _ can _ , if he wants to be.

**_You can, if you want._** Dean thinks, the words igniting like sigils burning on his ribs. **_You can._** **_Youcanyoucanyoucanyoucan_** **\--**

"You can fuck me if you want!" 

The words fly out of Dean's mouth at top volume, unbidden, unfettered, and unmistakable. 

Sam chokes violently on his food. Eileen snorts a nervous, shocked laugh, then immediately claps a hand over her mouth. Jack raises his head and sets his Nintendo DS primly in his lap, alert and curious. 

Dean's vision is swimming and his mind is roaring with TV static again, and when he blinks and looks down, he realizes he's clutching the front of Cas' robe like an insane person. "Um," he says intelligently, his face hot with horrified embarrassment. He fixes his gaze on Cas' clavicle, because THAT'S a lot safer than looking at his face right now, sure, okay. In a much softer voice meant for only Cas to hear, he murmurs, his breath puffing against the hollow of Cas' throat and raising goosebumps across the skin there. "You can fuck me, if you want. You know that, right?" 

When Cas doesn't reply for several moments, Dean's chest tightens with icy shards of anxiety, and he steels himself, taking a couple deliberate, measured breaths. Then he looks up, looks Cas into the eyes, and he-- 

_ Oh. _

Cas is… well, shit, there's really no other way to phrase it: he looks like he's turned the fuck on. His pupils are blown, his cheeks are dusted with a rose pink flush, his lips are slightly parted, and his chest is heaving like he suddenly needs to focus very hard on breathing. Cas' expression is one of naked  _ hunger _ , like he wants to have  _ Dean _ for breakfast instead of the blueberry pancakes and bacon Dean had cooked for them. 

"I know that  _ now _ ," Cas says seriously, a little bitchily, and his voice is a low growl that goes straight to Dean's dick, and holy  _ shit _ Dean is so grateful he's wearing flannel drawstring pajama pants because he is hard enough to cut fucking diamonds at this point, that's for damn sure. 

"Oh my god, not at the fucking  _ table _ , please," Sam groans weakly, dropping his head into his hands. He's apparently finished with choking. "Just, go get a room, I am literally begging you. Please.  _ Not mine _ ." 

"Yeah, yeah, Sammy," Dean mutters, distracted. He still has his hands fisted in the front of Cas' robe. He could easily pull Cas towards him and kiss him like this. Cas sure looks like he’d be on board with that plan. "We'll get right on that." 

"DEAN!" Sam bleats desperately when Dean thinks  _ fuckit _ and yanks Cas over to make out with him over the butter dish and maple syrup.   
  
* 

"I don't understand," Jack says, turning to face Eileen as he signs and speaks. "I thought that Cas and Dean were already in a relationship before, but apparently they weren't. Are they in a relationship now?" 

"If something weren't happening before, something sure is happening right now," Eileen crows, visibly delighted. Sam had shut his eyes and covered his ears with his hands in a futile attempt to block out the horrifying sights and sounds of his brother _continuing_ to play tonsil hockey with his best friend on top of their kitchen table like horny teenagers, but at this comment from Eileen, he opens his eyes to glare at her, betrayed. 

"Oh!" Jack exclaims. "I see. Cas and Dean may not have been in a relationship before, but they are in one now, because Cas knows that he can fuck Dean. Does that mean that Cas is going to fuck Dean?"  
  
"NO! OH MY GOD! STOP SAYING FUCK!" Sam shouts at the same time Eileen bark laughs and declares, out loud and in sign, "I'd put my fucking money on it."


End file.
